


A Time For Goodbyes

by lovelymoony



Category: Harry Potter - Fandom
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-22
Updated: 2013-05-22
Packaged: 2017-12-12 16:20:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/813541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovelymoony/pseuds/lovelymoony
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Remus is no stranger to death so why can't he bring himself to say goodbye?</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Time For Goodbyes

No matter how many times in his life Remus would encounter it, death would always be something that he would never understand. How one moment a person could be laughing, their heart beating, life flowing into every inch of their body. Then it what felt like a blink of an eye, their body was still and their laughter, the life in their eyes would never been seen again. Of course he knew that it was something that happened, that no spells or potions or even praying would stop death. It was a part of this circle that someone out there had decided to call life but even still, Remus would never handle it well.

The first time death had made its way into his life, he was fourteen. Even to this day he can remember it clearly. It was towards the end of the school year, the four of them had been laying by the lake, James trying to see if he could get the Giant Squid to poke its head out of the water. Peter was flirting with some Hufflepuff who he had been trying to woo for the last few months. Sirius, paying no attention to the girls that were ogling him had taken to poking Remus in the side, to see what if the sounds he made in protest differed from place to place. Remus had half of a mind to tell him to stop but the feeling of Sirius’ fingers touching him was too nice, something he had been lusting about for weeks now.

It felt like nothing would put a damper on their day but like all good things, it quickly came to an end as McGonagall appeared out of what seemed to be nowhere. Her face was sullen and simply said she needed to talk to Remus. As they walked back to her office, he tried to remember if he had done anything wrong in the last few hours but came up with nothing. When he was told to sit, Remus complied, hands folded in his lap as he looked across the desk at her. When the words filled the air around them, Remus wished that he was in trouble. That was she was saying wasn’t true and that she wasn’t telling him the news of how his father had passed suddenly.

He was numb. Didn’t know how to react, what to say back to her. So he sat there stiff, hands clenched in his lap as she rose and placed a hand on his shoulder. Telling him that when he was ready, he could head back to the dorm. That she would send for him when his mother was ready and he would be able to return him for the funeral.

That night as he laid in bed curled up, he didn’t even have it in him to send Sirius away as he climbed between the hangings. They said nothing, something that Remus was glad for. Sirius simply curled up against him, pulling Remus into his arms and let him cry out broken sobs that he had been holding in for much too long.

 

-  
The second time Remus had encountered death in his life came three years later, right after he had graduated from Hogwarts. He was asleep on Sirius’ couch, the smell of burning eggs threaten to wake him but the previous night had been a full moon. He was so tired, wanting nothing more than to just sleep, not even caring if Sirius caught the flat on fire with his cooking. He heard the faint tapping against the window, heard Sirius swear at the bird, and slide the window open. Heard the sharp intake of breath as he heard paper being rumpled and finally felt the hand on his shoulder that woke him. Sirius had explained with an apologetic look that the letter said to be open immediately. He didn’t even stop to read the name on it to see that it was addressed to Remus, and with that he handed it over to him. With shaking hands, Remus took it from him, eyes scanning the parchment until it became blurred with tears.

His mother had passed.

It felt like the weight of the world came crashing onto his shoulders and instead of fighting back tears, he let them roll down his cheeks. And like so many years before, Sirius climbed onto the couch and pulled Remus into his arms. Rocking him slowly and whispering sweet, soothing things into his ear. Hoping that it would help the man he loved with the anguish he was feeling. Cursing whatever god there was that it should have been his bat shit mother, not Remus’.

-

And now years later, the weight of death rest heavily upon Remus as he sat in the too hard chair in the small bedroom. His hand was clamped around Sirius’ bony one, much too bony for how muscular Sirius had been at one time. His eyes skirting over pale, sunken features, trying to drink in as much as Sirius as he could. Listening to the shallow and strained breathing, counting everyone and making his own match in time even though it hurt his chest.

They had promised they would spend their life with each other, that nothing, not even death would be able to part them. It had been such a foolish thing to say when they exchanged their vows, they both knew by now that death wasn’t a thing that could be stopped. That it would creep up sooner or later and the beating of the heart would stop. They just never thought it would happen to them.

Or happen this soon.

They were still so young, barely even fifty. Remus and Sirius thought they still had a lifetime ahead of them. That they would be able to travel to distant lands, shag on the beaches while Sirius would complain about sand in places it should not be. But illness, an incurable one had came out of nowhere and granted them with two more months together. Two months that were simply not long enough. Not long enough for Remus to prepare himself for what was going to happen when their time ran up. Not long enough for Sirius to try and soothe all of Remus’ fears, to tell him that they would one day meet again. It wasn’t long enough and more time would never be granted to them.

And here they were, a little over two months later as Sirius fought to cling to life. The Healers said that there wasn’t much time left, that Sirius was hanging on for Remus and that it would probably be Remus that would be able to set him free. But Remus was such a selfish bastard, he didn’t want Sirius to leave him. Not when they had built a life together, not when they were supposed to grow even older and grayer than what they were now together. How could he let go of the man he loved since he was fourteen? How could anyone do that?

A groan came from Sirius and Remus clenched his eyes shut against it, maybe if he pretended that he didn’t hear it, then it wouldn’t be real. Maybe Sirius would open his eyes any minute now, laugh and say that it was simply another prank. But another groan came and it reminded Remus that Sirius was in pain, that he was fighting for him.

As he opened his eyes, Remus brought their hands and pressed them against his lips. Hot tears spilled over his cheeks. All he wanted was to hear Sirius say, ‘I love you’ one last time but he knew that wishes never came true and he would never hear that voice again, at least not in this lifetime. He sat there like that for what seemed like hours, Sirius’ hand pressed against his lips, tears spilling down his cheeks as he counted Sirius’ breaths again. He knew that he had to let go, that he had to say goodbye.

Gently as he could, he laid Sirius’ hand onto his chest, placing the other one of top of it. Remus leaned down, pressing his lips against Sirius’ forehead, the salty taste of his own tears on the other man’s skin.

“Goodbye, my love.” Remus whispered, his voice cracking. “For I shall see you on the other side.”

He stayed there, his own forehead now pressed against Sirius’, counting the steady slowing breaths until there were no more to count.


End file.
